Plurality and the Internet

Posted 2025/2/23

Before I say anything, this is mostly just about my own experiences and I don't want to invalidate anyone else's experiences by accident! Please keep this in mind while reading this post. I do not have the ability to declare anyone else as invalid.

Without going into too much detail, I've identified as plural since 2020, but in retrospect there have been signs of my plurality since around 2014 or 2015. I'm like 90% sure my plurality is traumagenic in nature but I honestly don't care enough to figure it out. In any sense though, I am plural.

However, over time I've noticed how open most plurals are about their headmates. I don't take any issue with this, nor believe this to be specific to plurals, since most people share a lot of information about themselves on the internet where anyone can readily find it.

I don't find too much comfort in sharing a lot about myself on the internet, since anyone can use any information you post however they wish. I haven't posted about really any of my headmates since maybe 6 months to a year ago. I think part of this is because this information was abused after I shared it in private, but another major part is simply because I just enjoy my privacy.

I feel like I differ from a lot of plurals though. I can't really dig into my plurality too much without a massive headache. Trying to figure out which alter I am at any point is extremely difficult for me. I have trouble tracking fronts in part due to amnesia but mostly due to my need for rigid organization. I notice that I have trouble figuring out how to act to seem "normal" or "like myself" whenever I'm not whoever the current host is, but even when I am the host I have this issue. Whenever the host figures out an identity, they lose that identity and feel like a new, different alter entirely (or maybe they become a new alter and split off from the old identity? I'm not sure). There are other issues I have, but I'd rather not get too into it.

I think my brain is trying to hide my plurality from me, which makes sense. If I dig too much into a defense mechanism made by my brain, then eventually I'll find out what it was protecting me from, and my brain doesn't want that.

I just feel really isolated from other plurals. I have a sort of FOMO when I see other plurals online sharing funny or sweet interactions between their alters and I wish that it were possible for me to have these sorts of experiences without all of the stress, even if I wouldn't share it anywhere. Of course, it's entirely possible that they're only sharing the positive things they experience, but even still I experience the negatives of plurality even when I'm actively ignoring that aspect of myself.

It's just a little lonely, honestly. If anyone has any similar experiences or advice, feel free to reach out to me via the contacts on my about page! I would be really interested in hearing what anyone has to say.